Growing Up Years

After getting nags from the mum ever since don't-how-many-centuries ago, I finally packed my room. Took out many old stuffs; photos and birthday cards, toys and old letters... Fond memories I would say. And I found this:

A fugly grey bear.

Aahahaa. It was my first present from the dad when I was born twenty something years ago. I remembered carrying it everywhere I went when I was still a kid. Aye, from the toilet to the dining table, from the playroom to the bed. Mum told me that she once hide it away from me the day before I went primary school, and I cried like a xiao-da-bo. So she had no choice but to return it to me.

Growing up is a scary event. Remembering those days in school when I was considered the youngest in the class since I was born right in the end of the year. Now, many people in university call me "uncle" or "big brother". And nope, I wasn't unhappy about being the oldest, just that I dislike the idea of growing up. Tertiary education means that I would be part of the labour force in a few years time.

Gone are also the days when I did things without thinking, I used to tell myself, "I'm still young, I'm allow to make mistake. No one would reprimand me. Elders would just tell me to learnt from mistakes." But now, I am usually caught in dilemmas for the stuffs I planned to do. I can't afford to make mistakes anymore, and have to think about the consequences for every action I take and make. I'm not only responsible to myself, but also to my family and loved ones.

Gone are also the days I set up big dreams for the future. These days, I choose to study hard and get a good cert, hope to grab a secure job in a few years time, and save up enough money to buy a house and car, and lastly, be part of the big family that complain about taxes and fines. And before you look down on me for not dreaming big, I still have my big plans. Just that, I decided to have a back-up one. Sometimes, when reality and dreams contradicts, the former usually take over. Oh yes, growing up taught me that I should have a back-up plan for everything. I can't go all out for just a single aim, and have everything just my way.

Afterall, I guess being a child is better then being a grown up.

I'm a grown up.

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This song just describes how I feel...

Perfect, by simple plan.

Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I’m wasting my time
Doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t pretend that I’m alright
And you can’t change me

++Chorus++
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect

I try not to think about the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’s alright

++Chorus++

Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard just to talk to you
But you don’t understand

++Chorus 3x++
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